I feel mean, and I'm hoping you all can make me feel better. One of DH's co-workers, a great guy who we've known for years, is in continuing financial trouble. It's not him, it's his wife who hops from job to job and continually spends WAY too much on their children--we're talking $500 on a first birthday party.
You know where this is going--they're losing their house, and have 16K on credit cards. DH wants to pay their credit cards with OUR emergency fund and have co-worker pay them back so they won't lose the house.
I have had bad experiences lending to friends, and am not convinced that Co-worker's wife has changed her ways. I am pretty darn adamant against it, but DH is giving me a big speech about helping people etc and my religious and moral values being misplaced. So I feel mean.
Neither a Borrower .....
February 6th, 2009 at 06:29 pm
February 6th, 2009 at 06:42 pm 1233945750
February 6th, 2009 at 06:50 pm 1233946246
I've loaned money three times. I've been paid back once (on the smallest amount). I'm still bitter. I'll never loan money to friends or family again. This would ruin your relationship with the guy, because if he's in trouble now, he's not going to be able to pay you back later.
February 6th, 2009 at 07:00 pm 1233946847
Best wishes to all of you.
February 6th, 2009 at 07:01 pm 1233946871
February 6th, 2009 at 07:05 pm 1233947144
If they loose the house, they can rent an apartment, and learn to live within their means. That is the best gift they can give each other. Paying off their credit cards won't save the house. Credit card bills are the LAST thing these people should be worrying about.
Give them a gift of Dave Ramsey's "Financial Peace University" if you want to help them learn to help themselves.
February 6th, 2009 at 07:08 pm 1233947289
February 6th, 2009 at 07:09 pm 1233947360
They did not get hit by a drunk driver or had a stroke... They got THEMSELVES into this situation and it not unfair at all that they experience consequences of their behavior.
Your family should not be put at risk in order to remove these consequences from them! And they should stop seeing themselves as victims of unfortunate circumbstances if they don't want to be broke forever. Giving them money will only encourage them to continue down the same path, it will just postpone the inevitable.
February 6th, 2009 at 07:09 pm 1233947371
Don't even get me started. There is nothing virtuous about giving money to people who can't manage it. Ugh.
February 6th, 2009 at 07:21 pm 1233948068
February 6th, 2009 at 07:32 pm 1233948751
February 6th, 2009 at 08:08 pm 1233950892
I am with all of the above.
If you can't "gift" it, don't give it. Great point previously stated.
Love the idea of a Financial Peace class as a gift.
Don't jeopardize your financial security because of someone's stupidity. And in today's economic times, I wouldn't be stupid enough to think I'm secure.
Let your DH read all of these comments.
February 6th, 2009 at 08:18 pm 1233951491
February 6th, 2009 at 08:50 pm 1233953413
unless they have to do the hard yards and pay it off themselves, the wife is never going to learn. they say its easy to climb up a tree and harder to climb down. its the same for debt. its VERY easy to rack up the debt, very hard to clear it all. if you pay their debt, you're allowing them to take two easy paths. thats not the way life works.
February 7th, 2009 at 12:43 am 1233967400
The scripture is that the poor will always be among us. I'm of the teach a man to fish theory. If you can assist them in learning to budget, and they are eager to learn, help them.
Cash is not the answer here. Tell DH Lux is sorry, but how is putting your family in the path of financial ruin a smart decision????
Keep your oxygen mask on - and assist them in getting one of their own, by educating them, not bailing them out.
February 7th, 2009 at 03:23 am 1233977007
February 7th, 2009 at 04:03 am 1233979402
February 7th, 2009 at 04:07 pm 1234022846
February 7th, 2009 at 06:37 pm 1234031860
Now remember, this is coming from a guy.
Giving or loaning money to someone who has not learned their lesson and changed their ways is simply "feeding their habit", NOT helping them as friends should help one another.
If you give them money, they will learn nothing. If you don't, they might finally learn and it may lead to a better future.
Where is the morality in giving money to a drug addict, knowing full well they will spend it on more drugs to feed their addict? No, that is not the way to help. Please help them, genuinely help them, by NOT spending your EF on them.
February 7th, 2009 at 07:19 pm 1234034385
I've forwarded the info and your comments to DH--as well as the stuff on Financial Peace U, which is made for them, I think.
I went through a similar thing years ago with a BIL who was a cokehead. DH is always a soft touch, and I guess my role is to be the sensible one.
February 7th, 2009 at 08:29 pm 1234038573
http://images.eversave.com/html/economic_meltdown_ebook_01...
February 8th, 2009 at 09:10 pm 1234127427
Ask your hubby if you are in a position to weather a layoff, illness or house disaster painlessly without any need for that 16K. Why should you risk your financial security for people who have chosen to live above their means?
February 8th, 2009 at 10:03 pm 1234130612
February 9th, 2009 at 05:21 am 1234156882
Money just doesn't matter to him.
As most of us know, that has a good and bad side. I sometimes feel like I'm shouldering all the planning myself, planning for DD's college fund, to pay off the mortgage, retirement, and insurance. I think much more about how we can save a couple of bucks on groceries, insurance, taxes everything. I'm a detail person. In reality, I probably just like it.
So, I talked this through with him again, showed him all the posts, and he had two comments: "Man, all the people on that list are just like you." I guess that's a compliment (or not) for many of us. And then he shrugged it off and said he was just worried about his co-worker, and maybe we could do other things to offer our support.
No drama, no nothing. But I will post when we hear more about the co-worker's situation. And thank you all for your comments. I do think the number of similar comments made him rethink the situation.
February 10th, 2009 at 12:44 am 1234226681
February 11th, 2009 at 05:59 pm 1234375185
February 14th, 2009 at 07:37 pm 1234640275
Man, it is fun being here with all you uber-responsible people!
February 19th, 2009 at 05:30 pm 1235064601
I don't believe that the bailout is going to help the U.S. economy, so bailing out irresponsible friends isn't going make them able to take care of their own (or your) money. Its not that you shouldn't loan to friends, its WHEN you should loan to your friends. Its what you're supposed to do in time of need, like in the case of a tragedy or something that can't be helped. NOT what you have to do when someone is being an idiot with their money, especially when they have no plans to start being responsible after they take the loan.
To Ralph: I feel like if you are going to make a snarky sarcastic comment like that, you should throw your money to every hobo and needy person who wants it. Can you afford that? Maybe give it to a drug addict, because they are REALLY in debt and need your help. If a friend of YOURS who was deeply embedded in debt because of irresponsible spending many times over asked you to bail them out, would you? Would you just give them a free ride out of the situation they put themselves in? i hope not.
I don't know about you, but when I was a child, if I got myself into a mess, my parents made me get myself out financially or otherwise. It made me more RESPONSIBLE, which is the REAL issue here. It will make the couple stronger if they figure it out on their own. Don't look down your nose at people who have grown up taking RESPONSIBILITY for their own actions. If we had it your way, we would all be a part of a nation of wimps. That is all.
February 22nd, 2009 at 02:42 am 1235270570
February 23rd, 2009 at 02:39 pm 1235399960