I hang out with a bunch of women at my university. There's a group of about 6-7 of us who celebrate each others' birthdays, go out for drinks, and generally try to support each other. As, I suppose, with any group, there are some of them that are much better friends of mine than others.
One of the women I've known for 20+ years--since we were in grad school together. We are not close friends, but I see her often, and I respect her work, if not how she lives her personal life. She has lots of issues--hoarding, irresponsibility with things like parking fines thus getting her car towed,overdrafts, having her power disconnected for nonpayment etc. She and her husband and small boys live a very chaotic life. That said, I also think I harbor some resentment toward the chaos as she'll let people "help" her which doesn't help at all.
Before her boys were born we were all concerned about the state of her house as they are quite serious hoarders. Six of us spent the day cleaning and hauling and shredding--and it was awful. Their cats had used that room as their litter box--and several of us were ill afterwards. I swore I'd never do that again as it's pretty nasty still. Yet other friends spent days cleaning their kitchen last year--because she "needs" the help. They too were ill after removing moldy food, tons of dishes, overflowing recycling--and were a little upset that I wouldn't help. I've helped people with hoarding issues before, and I've been nothing but frustrated--but they thought as she was seeing a hoarding counselor(?!) it would take this time. Of course it's horrible yet again.
But here's the current issue: this woman has just had a fairly serious health issue and major surgery. She's also revealed all of this on FB and welcomed an outpouring of love and support. Another friend has started a "take them dinner" site, and I've happily signed up for several meals. And now another friend has secretly circulated a plea for donations for them although the medical part is completely covered, and she has the summer off from teaching. Something similar happened five years ago when they had their twins.
I find myself really torn. I honestly like this woman, but find so much of her behavior and her husband's behavior really egregious. I'm trying to figure out if I'm being petty and nasty or if I should just pony up $20 and consider it an effort toward good feelings and best wishes. I wish I had a generous heart toward this situation, but I just don't. Advice please?
Your Opinions, Please
May 26th, 2016 at 10:11 pm
May 26th, 2016 at 10:25 pm 1464301513
May 26th, 2016 at 11:29 pm 1464305384
May 27th, 2016 at 01:25 am 1464312302
May 27th, 2016 at 01:28 am 1464312496
May 27th, 2016 at 01:58 pm 1464357496
May 27th, 2016 at 04:24 pm 1464366264
May 27th, 2016 at 04:27 pm 1464366430
May 29th, 2016 at 09:10 pm 1464556204