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My Friends and Money

August 12th, 2016 at 12:23 pm

I was having lunch with some friends last week. They're all hard-working teachers, all married with kids. One of the usual moans from all of us is our broke summers. As you may recall, I'm teaching one class, doing some freelance editing, and trying to recover from spending on funeral airfare, my summer trip to Canada, Tree removal, and dog surgery and PT.

The hoarder of the bunch has had major surgery this summer which has brought her issues again to everyone's attention. You might also remember that friends raised (gulp) over 5K for her. Then it came to light that an employee was embezzling from her husband's business to the tune of $25,000. Now the money from the fundraising is gone to help the husband's business, and she is swamped by medical bills.

In the midst of this lunch, another friend--who rolls her eyes at my carefulness with money-- said they we should all go to the hoarder's and help--me especially--because I'm "good with money." Happily for me, I was busy the day they went to her house to help. Two of them spent four hours there. Two hours of it was opening unopened mail. They had to argue about throwing out all the return envelopes since so many of the bills were second and third notices for the same procedures. There were two giant garbage bags full of mail and one room they weren't allowed in. People brought them gifts when she was in the hospital and they're all piled in the entry way.

Is there a point here? I'm not sure, but I needed to vent to someone who is not my child or husband. I have plenty of chaos in my life--not everything is always under control, but I really can't understand how people can live like that. It makes my head want to explode, and perhaps the Swedish work ethic part of me finds their constant (years' worth) need of all sorts of help really trying.

7 Responses to “My Friends and Money”

  1. ceejay74 Says:

    Yuck, what a situation! The hoarding (and disorganization that goes with it) is clearly a psychological problem, so I'm not sure how much she can even help herself. But still trying, as you say. And how irritating that someone bends over backward to assist a financial disaster of a friend while she rolls their eyes at *your* money attitude -- and then practically pressures you to use said skills to help.

  2. Jenn Says:

    I remember you blogging about the fundraiser. Isn't it telling that the money did NOT go to medical expenses? Would everyone have contributed if they knew upfront that it would be for her husband's business? That's why it's never a good idea to hand money to someone who can't manage money. It isn't help - it's enabling. Sorry for rant! And I can't remember, but I hope you didn't get guilted into contributing then.

  3. creditcardfree Says:

    Hoarders have a mental illness. Usually caused by trauma in the past. Others in the household are probably deeply depressed and in survival mode. They are all just trying to hang on. I think it is very important to set boundaries regarding this person, so it doesn't bring YOU down. Others are free to choose their own level of participation.

  4. VS_ozgirl Says:

    The people who roll their eyes at your carefulness with money aren't really on your wavelength so I wouldn't be too upset. The things that other people (like possibly these people and the hoarders) call boring are what organised people do all the time- maintenance. Maintaining various areas of life carefully is what keeps things afloat and ensures success. These people are not your monkeys as the saying goes, don't worry about them. Keep your life ticking along in the best way possible, maybe one day they will learn from you Smile.

  5. PatientSaver Says:

    God, what a terrible situation. Very upsetting to hear she did not your hard-earned donations to the intended use. I think that's just plain WRONG. I would steer clear of getting to involved with her becus it just sounds like one of those endless no-win situations where she takes advantage of others' generosity.

  6. rob62521 Says:

    CCF is exactly right...hoarders have a mental illness and although going there and helping out is commendable, unless the person wants to make a change, all it is lots of effort usually for naught. Sometimes you need to be strong and say you can't do stuff. I'm sure learning that there was wrong doing and the fund raising didn't go for the intended medical expenses didn't help. Glad you could vent to us.

  7. frugaltexan75 Says:

    That sounds like a very frustrating situation.

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